a letter to my three-year-old

Dear Hannah, 

How the time has flown. Three years ago I was so full of excitement and anticipation of meeting my baby girl, I didn't sleep a wink the night before in the hospital. When you came into this world, I had no idea how much my life would change, how much it did change the very instant I held you in my arms in that hospital bed. Daddy and I insisted on keeping you in the room with us, only letting you leave for mandatory tests. We woke at every tiny noise that came from your little bassinet. We played ocean sounds on the iPod, which you loved and still listen to every night. You loved to be held, rocked, swaddled and sung to. You still love to be held and rocked and sung to. We had to stay in the hospital for five days because you were jaundiced and were struggling to regain your birth weight. I also had some post-delivery issues. It was a scary couple of days for us brand new parents. We were so excited to take you home and get our life started as a family. Your room was all ready and your cradle waiting beside our bed. You were a good sleeper. Thankfully, you still are. We adjusted, but our world was changed forever.

Your first year was full of lessons learned, successes, and plenty of failures realized. Life as a new family was beautiful and real, the good days and the bad passing quickly by. We had a busy first year celebrating your "month days" and all of your firsts. We went on lots of trips, spending time with friends and family. Daddy baptized you on Valentine's Day - a day that I will never forget. You learned to do all sorts of things and we loved watching you. You started talking and walking, and just like that you were one.

Your second year was even busier. I was pregnant with your baby brother and we got ready to welcome a new member to our team. We went to New York for the first time and celebrated my 30th birthday where you first called me Momma. I loved our family of three so much, I worried what adding another person would do. But a family of four we were meant to be. Joseph was born in April and you became a big sister. Life was great. We moved to a new home and a new church. You met a lot of new friends, and you started preschool right before your birthday. And just like that you were two.

Your third year was your best yet. Life felt settled. We loved our new home and you thrived in preschool. At some point, and I'm not sure when it was, your personality exploded. And I mean exploded. You are full of life, full of energy.

You were every bit of a two-year-old and then some. You can throw some of the biggest fits I've ever seen (or can imagine). You can play, dance, and sing in your crib for hours before falling asleep. You are dramatic and emotional. You have a definite sense of style; you love to dress-up. You have a great imagination, and a sense of humor too. You say the funniest, and sometimes most unbelievable, things. I write it all down so you can read it one day. You are curious and stubborn. And you are very strong-willed. You know what you want, and you know how to get it. You amaze us every day, in good ways and in not-so-good ways. You are smart. So smart it is scary sometimes.

You are the most social kid I know. You've never met a stranger, and you never forget a name (a skill I wish would rub off on me). In fact, when I can't remember who someone is, I just ask you! You love to make friends, and friends to you means everyone from the employee stocking the shelves at Wal-Mart, to the ladies at church, to another kid at the park.

You are a loving, caring child. You love to love and be loved. You have a kind heart. You are a daddy's girl but reserve a special place for me. You are a great big sister, always looking out for Joseph and taking care of him, introducing him to people you meet, "This is my little brother, Joseph." He is lucky to have you. I hope you are always so close.

And just like that you are three. 

 

Just recently I've noticed how tall you've gotten, how much you have grown. Somewhere between two and three, you became a little girl. A little girl that is growing up just too fast. I am so glad that I get to be home with you. Each day with you is an adventure. 

As I try to teach you things and model the kind of person I want you to be, I discover I learn just as much from you. You inspire me to enjoy life, have fun, and not spend so much time dwelling on to-do lists. You inspire me to be a kinder person, more aware of others, and more aware of the beauty of life around me. With you in my life, I am constantly made aware of just how fortunate I am. I have learned to spend more time thanking God than making requests of Him. You make me feel like I am a good mom, even when I feel like I fail. You have proven to me that the love of a mother is unconditional, and that nothing compares to the love of a child. My love for you goes beyond any words I could form in a letter or say to you. And that love, somehow, grows every day.

A few weeks ago, I came into your room after you woke up from your nap. I got you out of the crib and put on your big-girl panties. I pulled your hair back in a ponytail, and you asked to wear your crown. I picked you up so you could see in the mirror. As I watched the sweetest smile appear on your face, I had a heart-wrenching feeling and a sudden, very unexpected thought. I imagined you on your wedding day, me standing behind you in your dress, as you look at yourself in the mirror.

 

I know that day will be here way too soon. I know that the day you go to kindergarten will be here way too soon. Each day with you is precious - not always a walk in the park, but precious nonetheless.

Thank you for three amazing years - the best of my life. I love you forever.

xoxo,
Momma