the shirt off my back

It was like Joseph read what I wrote the other day about it being easy having just one child. Like a light switch, my morning did a 180. Baby boy had bad reflux and cried for about 3 hours straight. Screamed is actually more accurate. The painful, honest truth is that I walked away from him at one point and screamed myself. To no one in particular. And then I prayed. Asked. Pleaded God to help me. Joe was taking the afternoon off and we were going out of town for some shopping, a movie and dinner (with Joseph in tow). I decided I didn't want to go anywhere, but he talked me into getting out of the house. Joseph improved as the day wore on. Thursday was not that much better though. {This post title refers to me literally having to take off the shirt I'm wearing because it's covered in spit-up or because there is no dry burp cloth nearby and my shirt's the next best thing.} It doesn't seem that bad a couple of days removed, but when you're in the situation, it is. I like to say I was "not in a good place." I was overwhelmed. I had so much to do and couldn't accomplish anything. I felt like I was to my breaking point. This is an example of a time when I say: This is it, I'm done having kids, no more for me. This week has just been a rough one.

Admitting sometimes that you just can't handle all that's going on is tough. We feel like we are supposed to always be in control. I read a devotional one time from Rick Warren about how breaking down and admitting we are not in complete control of our lives is considered weak in today's world. That submission is a negative thing. Well, days like Wednesday make me realize that not only am I not in control, I'm nowhere even close. I just need to do the best I can and rely on God for the strength (and patience) to get me through each difficult day. There is so much pressure to be super mom.

Rick Warren talked about submitting our lives to God, basically being honest with ourselves and saying "God, I can't handle it all on my own and I need your help." I ask God almost daily for wisdom and discernment when it comes to my children - to know what's best for them - and I think I need to remind myself on a daily basis that I should submit to God and let Him be in control.

Now that it's Sunday and I wrote the above several days ago, I can report that we made it through the week and had a full weekend of house work and family time. Joseph turned four months old, and some strides were made in the nursery department. I'll post when I upload the pictures from my camera. Hope you had a nice weekend!


PS - I find it ironic that in my nightly devotional two nights ago (dated 8/1 so I'm seriously behind) I read the following about to do lists:

Often I find myself trying to accomplish several tasks on my list all in one day. I enjoy the sense of accomplishment that comes from rapidly checking items off my list. But I also feel stressed and exhausted from trying to do too much too quickly. I have to remind myself to slow down, to remember that I don't have to accomplish everything in a single day...God could have created the earth and the vast universe in a single day or even a single moment. But God didn't do it that way...God is teaching me to seek balance between work and rest. God is also helping me to realize that slowing down and enjoying life is as important as checking off a completed item from my list. - The Upper Room

No doubt you have noticed that I don't post as much as I used to. I love to blog but it has become another "item on my list" and I don't like it that way. I love this outlet for stories, updates, thoughts and photo-sharing. There is a lot I'd like to write about, but having the time to sit in peace for any significant length of time comes rarely. I also know how much I love to enjoy all these moments I write about with my family and don't want to take time away from that. And so I've been kinda absent in blog world. I guess I could just say I've been busy living. As we continue to settle in our new home, Hannah's starts preschool (yikes!), and things calm down a little, I'm sure I will be back more often. Til next time...