Monday, January 4, 2010

a Jan. 4th journal entry

A friend of mine posted on her blog this a.m. lessons learned, observations and notes from her last three months as a mommy. It's amazing how similar our lives are, isn't it?  Just this morning I was close to crying, when Hannah wouldn't stop crying, when she spit up all over herself...when I found not one, not two...but three piles of dog throw-up...when Hannah projectile vomited all over herself (again) after I had just changed her clothes...when I found dog poop next to my side of the bed, when I put Hannah down for a nap only to have her screaming at the top of her lungs not 30 minutes later (continuing for almost an hour)...When I found pile #2 of dog poop (now looking more like diarrhea) - this one behind the Christmas tree...

Am I crazy to have a baby and two dogs? I guess.  Am I even crazier to think I'll be ready for another baby in the next year or so? 

Just last night as I was nursing Hannah, I was overcome with emotion.  I love her so much.  The screaming and crying are tough.  I don't understand all the spitting-up and the skin rash all over body.  I'm tired of covering her (hairy) head with lotion to help with the cradle cap, or whatever it is.  I'm tired of covering her body with hydrocortizon cream (she hates it).  I don't know why she has stopped taking her long morning naps that I cherished (or any long naps for that matter).  I don't know why she cries incessantly sometimes when she doesn't need to be changed or fed...

But I know that I love her more than anything in the world (next to Joe).  I know that I would do anything for her.  And I know that all those frustrations and moments when I want to scream (or run away) are worth it.  One hundred percent worth it.  She smiles at me and it all disappears.  I watch her sleep peacefully and I'm overcome with love.  I hold her in my arms and know that this feeling is the greatest feeling in the world.  My life is enriched because she's in it.  I am blessed beyond anything I could have imagined because I have her.

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